I wrote this august of 2009. funny how things change.

1. You've honestly been the bestest freind I could possibly ever ask for... we fight sometimes well acutaly matter of fact we did today. haha but i cant really put into words of how much your inpsire me and the passion that you have for God is beyond amazing and i admire that so much.. you probably dont know this but i look up to you show much.. you have also been the most honest truthful person ive ever met and probably ever will meet i love how you are you lol i love how we have jokes that no one will ever get and how were so weird and we kind of just dont really care.. i love you more than words can really say.
2. You are also the most amazing best friend that ive ever had.. you've been there through it all and you just listen when i cry about the same thing over and over and youve probably given me the most amazing advice and your one of the wiset people i know. your passion for just life and God and fusion amaze me. i love you.
3. I wanna thank you so much for always supporting everything that I have ever wanted to do in life. Thank you for loving me.
4. Thank you for letting me be my complete self around you and loving me for who I am and thank you for supporting me even though we fight way to much i will always love you and you have made a huge impact on my life. I look up to you a lot even thought we don't really see eye to eye on a lot. I will always love you with all of my heart.
5. I miss you more than words can really say... I wish I got to know you better and I wish you were still here today. But I know that its all a part of God's plan I want to thank you for raising me the way you did, and thank you for being the one to implant that seed of faith in my life. You are one of the most amazing women of God and love i will ever meet. I love and miss you so much.
6. You have always been that guy that has always been there.. I wanna thank you for being there that night that i just poured my heart out to you. You don't know how much you've helped me in life I don't think I tell you that enough. Your one of the most amazing guys I have ever had in my life.
7. Thank you for being you.
8. I've had some of the best times in my life with you. I think you brought out a side of me that I was missing.
9. I wish we were still friends.
10. You are one of the most amazing people that I have been blessed with in life. I admire you for all that you've been through in life and been one of the strongest people I know. Thank you for making realize so many things in life. i love you.

-I think out of all of these maybe 3 remain true. its so crazy how much things change and people change.

. You deserve more than what you've got. I hope you know that.

. Everyone deserves to be happy.

. I'm glad I don't go a day without laughing. and I'm glad I've got people who make me laugh on a daily basis. thats a pretty important thing.

. I promise that your day will come.

. You wouldn't even eat dinner with me the other night. that really hurt my feelings. I hope you know that. but the truth is you probably haven't the slightest clue.

. You can't run away forever.

. I love when it rains. I love thinking really hard when it rains. I love reading when it rains. I love cuddling when it rains. I love kissing when it rains. I love baking when it rains. I love crying when it rains. I love laying on the couch with my best friends watching movies and talking about life when it rains. I love driving when it rains. I love listening to music about rain while it rains. I just really love rain.

. I hope your happy where ever you go. and I hope you know that.

. You know people are gonna say things sometimes that hurt your feelings make you cry or whatever. but you eventually get over it. I'm just learning to get over it a lot quicker. cause when you really sit back and think about it. its never worth getting upset over.

. When I think about where I'll be this time next year. it really scares me. the thought of my two best friends moving scares me.

. I looked up colleges in texas the other night. but for some reason I don't think I'm ready to pack up and leave this place just yet. or maybe its cause I don't wanna go alone. but sometimes I think its good to go on your own.

. I don't really quite know where i'd be if you moved 12 hours away.

. I feel like I'm fixing to feel what change really is.

. and this time I'm not included in that change.

. so for right now I just need someone to tell me that its all going to be fine and they will be fine and i'll be fine.

. you had a really good thing. and you let that go.

. the truth is I couldn't tell you the first thing about you anymore. and its weird that I can't do that. we used to know each other like the back of our hands. people change. grow apart. and move on. and thats what we did.

. I trust you.

. I can't even express how much I love the little things and life. I'll always hold on to the little things. always.

. It was a lesson learned.

. Sometimes I wanna drive back to the house I grew up in. and just ask to come in. my step dad never let me back in that house after my mom passed. I just wanna see it one more time. its not for closure. I just wanna go back. i guess just because. thats okay right.

. I hate when people say "they didn't know what they had" cause maybe at the end of the day you didn't know what you had.

. I kinda miss the little things. it kinda just all stopped.

. Somethings are better left unsaid. remember that.

. I remember the day I fell for you. it was a really really great day.

. If there is one thing that I hope you never forget is where you came from.

hey if by chance you're reading this..

i like you. and thank you for always caring about what I write and I love the little ways you let me know that you have read it. you really don't know how much that means to me.

heres a title.

. I'm no good at this. and thats where every fear I have comes from. no one ever taught me how to do all this. I'm not sure your taught how to do this all. but who knows.

. Its nights like these I hate where you know you'll get no sleep. but thats just about every night.

. it was you.

. I get my feelings hurt far to much. maybe cause I care too much.

. I want someone to know me and why i'm me and why I do what I do. the good and bad.

. I cry most nights not knowing how you are and wondering if your okay. i could pick up the phone and call. but i wont.

. I hate feeling the way I feel about life right now. I'm really happy. but I'm really upset all at the same time. I wonder all the time where I'll even be next year. cause I literally have no idea what I want to do. and if you've ever felt that feeling. its a real sucky one.

. I think to far into just about everything and anything.

. You know some things you can't change about people. you either choose to be okay with that. or you can leave and walk away.

. You've got it made and you have no idea.

. You know I say all the time I'm okay with where I came from and all that follows with that. but somedays I'm really not. and I wish it was different. cause then I'd be different and probably not as screwed up as I am. but then I remember I've got people that love me for that screwed up person that I am.

. I've never wanted to punch someone more than that night. you deserve so much more than that. so much more.

. You know I really do hope it works out for you two. but remember your the one that pushed us all away.

. I'm still searching for the reason of why my mom died. and how thats in my plan.

. Cause I find a new damn reason everyday of why I need her. every damn day.

. Sometimes I write blogs. that just sit on my computer. and I dont really know why I dont post them.

. I can't tell you why I am the way I am. i'm sorry.

. I wish I had that to go home to.

. I don't like bringing up old things. but I bet you couldn't tell me the first thing about myself. or what I even liked or didn't like. I bet not even one simple thing.

. My dad hasn't told me he missed me once since I left. I didn't expect it. I guess I just thought it would be nice to know you missed me. if you did.

. I really do wish puppies made everything better. cause I'd like about 7 right now.

. People are people. they make mistakes.

. That hurt my feelings more than you'll ever know.

. Reading peoples blogs of the work that God is doing in their lives. always makes my heart happy.

. I'm learning to give it all to God. and be able to trust in him with everything that I've got. I think I finally reached a breaking point of pain and brokenness. and I'm tired. and broken. and its still really hard at the end of the day to give it all to God. I'm just being real. so many times I try to do it on my own. I've failed for the last several years at it. I feel like I've finally hit that point of really really learning that I can not overcome without him.

. I'm seriously about to walk myself downstairs and eat that whole pan of brownies.

. I wanna fall in love one day. I'm sure its a really amazing thing. but I've seen people be "in love" and if thats love then I really don't want any part of it.

. I will never ever change myself for someone. ever. I've been there and done that. I've never been more disappointed in myself.

. I'm not afraid to admit I'm wrong. cause I'm wrong a lot.

la la la la la

. You've got a really weird way of making me feel like crap.

. I really have the urge to be in texas right now. it just seems like the fun thing to do.

. I think sometimes its okay to think about people you know you shouldn't who doesn't?

. I get my feelings hurt to easily.

. I thank God everyday for answering that prayer.

. Some people really get me, and some really don't. but thats normal. and thats life.

. I'll never apologize for being me.

. The funniest thing I heard today was that my dad bought a bowling alley. it made me laugh so hard. random fact.

. I think I might start going to counseling again. I wanna get over it. but I don't know how anymore.

. I'm not ashamed to post anything on here. so sorry if you think I'm weird.

. The littlest things make my day, I saw a shooting star tonight it made me so happy.

. I'm learning to just walk away from the silly things.

. I try to never sad or mad tweet.

. I wish I was a beautiful dancer. i have no rhythm. so I do it for the laughs.

. My sisters business is closing down, I'm sad to see her dream go away. and be unsuccessful. but i see a lot of good in it for her. it will be okay. i promise. through thick and thin.

.

change. it happens.

I think about change all the time. mostly before I go to bed or when I'm driving. I'm learning its a huge part of life and that I will always have to be okay with change cause sometimes you can't help it. and thats okay. I'm learning that people change. and sometimes they leave or come back. and sometimes I don't like either of those. or sometimes they change into the very person you always thought they wouldn't be. but at the end of the day people are people. and you have to learn to either be okay with who that person is now. or leave and walk away. I've never really been one to really walk away. even if I might say i'm going to. I'm learning that I have changed that I'm not who I was a year ago. and sometimes when I sit and really really look at who I am I see changes that I'm not always okay with but I realize that its going to happen and I think its okay to go through changes in life that aren't always good. its a learning experience. but I see a lot of good in myself of where i was a year ago. and I'm content with that. but at the end of the day change is a funny thing. and no matter how hard you try to stop it from occurring it wont.

its.a.lovely.day.for.writing.

. I always give people chances. and I never stop. and sometimes I end up getting hurt that way. but I wont ever stop giving people the chance.

. I sometimes wonder where I'd be if my mom was still around. or even who I'd be. cause she would have raised me nothing like how my dad did.

. It makes me so angry that you couldn't be the way you are now. you seem happy. why couldn't you be like that for the last 8 years.

. I'll never forget the names you called me. no dad should ever say the things you said to me. I have no idea what heartbreak feels like but when I think back on those times I'd imagine thats how it would feel.

. I wanna be worth it.

. I'm scared I won't.

. I'm sorry for all that you have been through. but I feel like I understand you and why you say and do the things you do.

. I wonder when the day I'll stop talking so negative about my dad. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to talk positive.

. I don't think you like being happy for people who are happy.

. Sometimes you just have to really really give it all you got.

. I hope that i'm not too much to handle.

. Today I chose to not be scared of everything anymore.

. I dont ever wanna look back on my life and wonder what if.

. I dont know where I stand on drinking. and I hate when people point out when I'm not drinking.

. I need my bestfriend right now.

. I still get nervous.

. I can't wait for the winter time. its my favorite.