I've been a complete emotional wreck these past few days.

11.11.11

. this is going to be such a lucky day. and I hope I have lucky things happen to me.

. 11:11 is my favorite time and I love when I look down at the clock just to see what time it is and its 11:11

. You know I can wish a lot of things about myself I want whiter teeth, be skinner, be tanner, and whatever else. but I don't really know why.

. I had a really good day and night today. I'm glad that I'm making friends with new people that has never been my strongest point.

. Winter is the loneliest time its so gloomy and cold. and thats when I hate being alone the most.

. You know things are different with my Dad and he's happy, but I still don't have the desire to go back home and be there like my friends do all the time when they go home and spend hours there. I think this will always be a situation where I will always feel indifferent about.

. maybe you deserve better.

. some things change and some things never do and some things stay the same.

. I saw an old friend today. it was awkward. but I wish it wasn't and I wish nothing ever changed.

. Its hard to want somebody to get you and understand you. but how do you do that when you don't even understand yourself.

. Its fixing to pass the 12 year mark of my moms death and in a sense it gets easier but it gets harder every time. December 26th I hope you fly by.

.

. Just being honest I wanna get in my car and drive drive drive drive drive drive drive until there is absolutely nothing around. I'd like that.

. and the truth of the matter is I'm not sure I'm really wanted around here anymore.

. I can't figure out if its me or them. maybe it's me. maybe both. but I can tell you one thing not a single damn thing is the same.

. If you don't like it here, then leave.

. I wish I had Christmas movies to watch they make me beyond happy and if my room was decorated in twinkle lights. oh geez thats pure bliss right there and maybe some hot cocoa and my favorite cuddle partner. yeah thats the perfect night right there oh and maybe some frost on the windows. oh man. yes.

. I hope this is all that you've dreamed of.

. I'm far to complicated of a person and at the end of the day I'm pretty much beyond the point of being a mess.

. But I'm happy.

happiness.

. My dad seems really really happy you know like that really good kind of happy the one where you just laugh and laugh and its that laugh I haven't heard in years. I'm crying as I write this. this is a perfect example of why I know God is good. my prayers for the past several years have been answered and my heart feels peace and happiness knowing that my dad is in a really happy place in life. I feel like restoration is in progress and I'm willing and able to accept this. Thank you God.

. Even though this weekend wasn't perfect matter of fact it wasn't really perfect at all. but thank you for not leaving. thank you. I can't really say I'm sorry for acting the way I did. but I'm glad at the end of the day you made a choice to stick around.

. I'm happy. really happy. and for some reason thats weird to me. but I love it.

. This Miranda Lambert CD is really dang good.

. I can't wait to watch cars 2. i'm lame. but I love that movie. so freakin much.

. Sometimes I let my insecurities get the best of me. and it sucks. but sometimes it happens. I'm workin on it.

. I feel like things are falling together wonderfully and things are falling apart. but I've got a good feeling that it will be fine.

. thank you for telling me that it will be fine. it means the world.

. okay goodnight lovely world.

oh you know.

. I called you the other day for the first time just to tell you about my life and what was going on. you seemed happy for me. thank you. I cried knowing that for once you were happy for me. you don't know how long I've needed that. thank you dad.

. I went to the taylor swift concert this past saturday. walking in I saw a dad taking his three young daughters to see her perform. I hope I marry a man like this someday. I won't settle for less than a man who will love his children unconditionally.

. Really take a look at your life. you have nothing to hate. you live a beautiful life.

. I had a random act of kindness done for me today. it really did make my whole day.

. You know the truth is I haven't a clue anymore. and I'm learning to just go with it. I'm doing pretty good.

. You're pretty dang good at leavin people with that feel like crap feeling.

. I wish more than anything that I had more memories of my mom. but I've only got a few. and I hold on to them like nothing else. she was a beautiful person inside and out.

. I really do think everything is turning out just how it should. I'm at a really happy place in life.

. I decided where I stand on drinking. and I make my choices based on how I see my family deal with alcohol. I remember being 13 and my dad calling my sister to come get him cause he was so drunk. I'm not willing to walk down that path.

. Its time for you to grow up. act 31. for the love of God.

. you are an amazing person. beyond amazing. and I don't even think you know how quite amazing you are.

. I interviewed for my first "real" job today. my bestfriends texted me wishing me the best of luck cause I was so nervous. the little things like that really really make me happy.

. You don't even have a clue. do you?

. I don't think you quite know how to just be there for someone. just to be there. thats all. thats really all.

. I wish I had a really good rain playlist to listen to when it rains.

. I'm currently sitting here writing this listening to eric church. i love his music.

. All I wanna do right now is play the sims. geez.

. The reason I don't wanna drink, is because it scares me that someday maybe I won't be able to handle it just as you can't.

. I wish I could go back to the very beginning of summer sometimes.

. Summer to me is just so simple and easy. and that is literally what I live for.

. So I'd give anything to be sitting at the lake right now no makeup my hair is a mess without a care in the world.

my thoughts lately. okay bye.