I'm growing up.

and your not here. your not here to see it. your not here to see how my life is playing out. I miss you a lot these days. I got my first bill in the mail today and it hit me that I'm an adult and I live on my own and thats all so weird still, and your not here to witness that. I start school tomorrow and if you were here you would know that and you'd be the one that cared and you'd be there asking me all about it and what I plan on doing and when and where my classes are. dad didn't even know I started school but then again he didn't even know what today was. there isn't a day that doesn't pass by that I don't think about you. for some reason the other day I said "mom" in reference to something and I realized I haven't said that in a while and it hit me that I'll never be able to use that word like I should be able to use that word. my hearts heavy tonight. its one of those times i need to pick up the phone and call you. or drive wherever you are. but your not here.