realizing

I think today that it finally hit me that i might have become the girl that i thought i never would. I wrote in the "about me" section on my facebook at the very beginning of my freshman year of college describing who i was and what made me who i am. but little did i realize that as the year went by everything that was written in that little paragraph begin to slip away and became false. I wrote that i never drank or partied. and i never have really partied. and still as i sit here writing this i can't really even tell you why i did things that i always said i wouldn't i don't know if its because i just wanted to know what it felt like or what. but all i know is the girl i never wanted to become i just became. i feel like i lost myself in the midst of the world. i still find myself just saying things just to say them or do things just to do them and in some way it makes people happy and then i somehow became a people pleaser. and it just now today hit me that i'm not "me" anymore. I think i've been running from what i've needed back in my life for a long time. and i think a good part of the time people run far from what they actually need in their life whatever that may be. i've always been good at running. never really wanting to face reality. well guess what cheyenne, its time to face reality. It breaks my heart that i've given off this impression of this girl that i'm not just because i think its gonna make people happy. well to hell with that. cause i'm done pleasing people. i'm running back to what i need. what i love. what i like. me.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."